I recently had the chance to interview spokespeople from the two major political parties, GOP senator Ronnie
Rep and Democratic congresswoman Debbie Dem, each considered leaders in their
respective parties.
Here is the full transcript of my
interview.
SRP: Thank you both for coming today. I
would like to start with what I think is the most important question facing the
nation today.
Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate
government spending, which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the
nation and leave our children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign
interests?
DD: Thank you for that question. I think we
definitely need to look into the relations between the police and minority
communities.
RR: She is anti-police.
DD: But that black man the other day was
unarmed!
RR: No he wasn’t, the video showed he had a
gun.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Ronnie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
RR: Well, for one thing, we need to secure
the border.
DD: He is a racist. He hates Mexicans, who
are only coming here to work.
RR: She just wants to extend health care to
illegals.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
DD: With regard to health care, we have
made so much progress in exending health care to the poor and needy . . .
RR: While doubling premiums for the rest of
us! Repeal Obamacare!
DD: What needs to be done now is to move
toward single-payer health care, so no one is left behind.
RR: Except those who are voted down by the
death squads.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Ronnie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
RR: She wants to take away your guns.
DD: No I don’t, I just want to register all
the ones that are out there and make it impossible for people to get more. Isn’t
there enough killing already with the ones we have?
RR: Hear your door being kicked down?
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
DD: We certainly need to protect a woman’s
right to make her own reproductive choices. He wants to outlaw all abortions,
90% of which are the result of rape or incest.
RR: No I don’t! I just believe that we should
have reasonable restrictions.
DD: There goes Roe v. Wade!
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Ronnie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
RR: You mention foreign interests. As I
said, build the wall. If we build it, they will not come.
DD: But we have to accept refugees!
RR: Can we have them at least leave their
bombs in Europe before we turn them loose in our cities?
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
DD: I think that our citizens need to be
united. Speaking of Citizens United, it has to be overturned. It allows
corporations to spend money to favor things I oppose and oppose things I favor.
RR: OK, reverse it, but include the unions.
DD: But unions are noble people, and
corporations are made up of greedy, faceless monsters.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Ronnie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
RR: People should stand for the national
anthem.
DD: They have a right to sit.
RR: Not in the NFL. That is an arm of the
military.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate government spending,
which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and leave our
children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
DD: I think that people should be able to
use whichever restroom they feel comfortable in.
RR: Perverts in the girls’ bathroom. No man
Jack in the Jills’ john!
DD: But we have to consider the 87% of
Americans who are LGBT.
SRP: Thank you. But returning to my
question, Ronnie, Debbie, What can be done to curb profligate government
spending, which is causing deficits that threaten to bankrupt the nation and
leave our children and grandchildren heavily indebted to foreign interests?
RR: Bomb the hell out of them!
DD: Yes, bomb the hell out of them!
SRP: Out of who?
DD and RR in unison: THEM!
RR: You know, the bad guys. America’s enemies.
DD: The rich. They aren’t paying their fair
share anyway.
RR: Nothing a few thousand tons of bombs
can’t solve.
DD: The children! Won’t someone think about
the children?
RR: The flag! Apple pie! She hates apple
pie!
DD: He hates Muslims and people of color!
RR: She was not even born in this country!
DD: He is warring on women!
RR: She wants to let ISIS vote in the girls’
restroom!
DD: Bush lied, people died!
RR: Reagan!
DD: JFK!
SRP: I think it is abundantly clear here
who the enemy really is.